Attachment Nana

Back in the day…. before the coined phrase Attachment Parenting was even noted, I practiced attachment parenting. What did that look like?

I nursed my babies as they desired for as long as they desired and allowed them to share our bed at night. We loved it! It was easy and having three babies in four years, it helped us all get more sleep!

When my grandkids come over for the night, they have always been welcomed in our bed. We love having little ones snuggled in next to us at night.

I wore my babies. I loved wearing my first but after that it became a necessity to wear  the baby as you may have noticed- I had three babies in four years. I had one walking, one in the stroller and one in the sling. It was the way I could go out and get things done- and I loved it!

One of the things I miss the most about not having a new grandbaby is not being able to wear that baby when I go out with my daughters. When they get to be big toddlers, since it is not done on a regular basis enough to help my body prepare for it, I can not wear big toddlers. But I love being at the mall or the park wearing my grandbabies!

I taught my children to be peaceful with others… no hitting or biting but using your words instead. I would love to say I never resorted to spanking my kids- but I did rarely. I hated doing it and feel I fell into the old childhood pattern that my parents left me an example of on occasion. But gentle guidance does not mean no discipline. I disciplined my children and they understood what “unacceptable behavior” was without being told they were bad.

I do think it takes a village to raise a child. One of my grandchildren lived with us for a while with his mom. He knew what was acceptable and knew the repercussions from me if he disobeyed. I still step in to share how their behavior affects others and gently guide them if they are in my presence and need guidance.

My neighbor thought it odd that I let my children tell me how they felt. She considered it “back talking.” I allowed them to share whatever they were feeling as long as it was respectful. I feel that is what helps them to not stuff feelings today.

I often ask my grandchildren about their feelings. I think it is important for them to obey but it is also important to understand what they are thinking and feeling if not even more so.

Attachment parenting is not about posing on the front of a magazine with a child in the chair nursing. That child is three. I nursed two of my children into their third year. I see nothing wrong with that at all. I do think this mom and little boy were used for sensationalism. And I do think it has hurt the idea of toddlers or preschoolers nursing.

I do want parents to meet their children’s needs regardless of what others think. I do think children need to behave in such a way that is respectful of others. I do think children need loving guidance. Attachment parenting to me means doing just that. Being attached to the heart with your children. I am still an attachment parent. I am not afraid to show affection to my grown children. I try my best to nurture them and meet their needs when I am able to do so. I stroke hair, change bandages, shampoo their heads when injuries prohibit them from doing so, allow them to come to my bed and curl in and cry when they need to, and stroke their hair when things are going badly. My oldest had a migraine on Sunday and I rubbed her back and stroked her forearm the way I have always done when she was hurting. It is what a loving parent does.

I encourage- instill courage into my children. I help build their confidence- helping them to know I believe in them. I support them- telling them often how incredible they are and how proud I am of them. But mostly I love them- unconditionally just where they are. And they, in turn, do all of those things for me. That is what an attachment family looks like.

I have caught one grandchild at their birth, helped each of them nurse effectively, changed tons of diapers, held them and rocked them when they were upset, given loving kisses to them, tussled and wrestled with them, played with them and swung them in the swing, swung with them, jumped on the trampoline with them, stroked their backs as they went to sleep, massaged them after their baths, worn them in slings, talked to them about their feelings, told them what I thought of their behavior and how it effected others and much more.

I look forward to sitting with them as teenagers and listening. I look forward to sharing a beer with them as they sit across a booth as young adults and ask for guidance and my opinion. Attachment parenting does not stop when they go off to college or leave home. It continues for many generations. It has been the foundation of how I raised my children and the way they are raising theirs.

attachment parentingnanafamily