Instinctive Parenting
I became a mom at the age of 20. I did not have any friends my age having babies. The women who helped guide me in my mothering were special women. They were my local La Leche League leaders. I am thankful that due to my family history of breast cancer, my OB had given me the card of a local leader. I started attending meetings and soon these women had embraced me fully as if I was their little sister.
What I learned from them was to listen to my instinctive voice in regards to my mothering. I had been told that I should let my baby cry it out from others. My heart broke when I would sit on the sofa and my husband would count to ten while our little one wailed. It sounded like an alarm that said please come pick me up- just as Harvey Karp, MD describes the cries of a baby. And so after sharing my concerns with letting her cry, they guided me to listen to my heart.
When Julie was waking up every time she even had a sprinkle in her diaper, I awoke and tried to soothe her. But she was a baby who could have stayed latched on 24/7 so I would bring her to my breast and sit up awake trying to meet her needs. I was so sleep-deprived. I attended the monthly meeting and began to cry during the meeting from no sleep and feeling overwhelmed. One of the leaders gave me the book, The Family Bed. I took it home and devoured the words within it. I moved our bed against the wall- put the crib bumper between the crack and the wall and she began to share our bed. It was heavenly how much more sleep I got from the first night. She would nurse and I would fall back asleep and she actually nursed less during the night than before. My instinctive heartfelt right in this new arrangement.
I think too many parents read too many different books and begin to listen to the words on the pages as authority over their own hearts. I think too many parents listen to other people whether it is their girlfriends, mothers, mother-in-laws, pediatricians or whoever and quench their own instinctive voices. I am not opposed to reading books but I think it is important to ask yourself, “Does this resonate with your heart?” I think it is great to listen to your pediatrician for medical guidance- but parenting advice is not something they are necessarily even equipped to offer. I think it is great to seek input but in the end ask yourself, “Does this fit our family? Does this feel right for us?”
No picking up a crying baby does not feel instinctive to me. Putting a baby in a box in a separate room did not feel right to me. Holding a baby often and wearing them daily was something that did feel right. Touching and nurturing my baby’s needs felt right for my family. I was honored years ago when both of my daughters shared they were following the same mothering style that I had followed with them. I have tried to teach my children to follow their instinctive voice and their hearts.
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